I have mentioned in previous posts that much in my life has shifted and changed over the past weeks. It has been an emotional journey requiring time and space to simply Be and allow myself the openness to process all the changes in my personal life coupled with the changes and restrictions imposed on us as a global community. I have spent much time in deep contemplation and self-observation and noticed just how much emphasis I have placed on others and what they may or may not think, as I have needed to step into what is true for me in the knowing that this truth is the cause for hurt and suffering in another and has created a space of judgement towards me by others.
This has brought me into an interesting place within myself as I notice how I cycle through defensiveness into self-judgement and all manner of other ways of being that are part of the old self and the old beliefs that little Me carried for so long. It is always fascinating to me how we cycle along the spiral of experience and revisit aspects of ourselves that we perhaps feel that we have processed and shifted, yet in truth it all seems to be one big fractal that holds within it the multitude of layers that offer us into deeper levels of the inner experience. In my book, The Inner Art of You and I, I share a teaching from one of my Mentors, Stephen Norval, who said … “Once you think you have got it, you’re fucked.” What he was talking about was the true depth of the mystery of this life experience and how those ‘AHA’ moments that we may have can trap us in the space of believing that we now understand the experiences that we have had instead of recognising that we have simply met a layer of understanding that is relevant only against our current beliefs and that there is always a deeper learning available which explains why we oftentimes find ourselves in the same or similar situations.
“Our beliefs, both conscious and unconscious, determine our experience. Our beliefs are illusions, they are not real.” Arnold M. Patent.
I have been reminding myself regularly that this life, no matter how real it may seem, is simply an illusory experience and that in the ultimate truth of all of this, I am simply Life and Love experiencing itself through subjective perceptions of what I hold as truth, and recognising that my truths are also illusory. I am constantly calling myself back to Love; to the type of Love that we cannot fully describe or name, to the Love that is all of creation and the deep inner knowing that I am part of all of it, no matter what I may experience in this life. In truth, it is only the Human that can be hurt and suffers, the Soul holds the greater experience and the deeper essence of Divinity.
I reflect upon my life experiences and know that somehow in some way, all of it is purposeful; all of it holds a deeper meaning and I must simply be open to the flow of energy and allow all to move; be seen; be heard; felt and held. I must know that the truest aspect of me is pure and held in the graciousness of Love, no matter the suffering I might be feeling. I must know that this life experience is simply a blip in the space-time continuum and that I am far greater than what I may deem to be real or even imagined. I must know that in all the suffering, ancient wisdom resides so that I may know myself as all that I am not in order to know myself in all that I truly am.
It is easy to find ourselves caught up in the seriousness and anxiety of our experiences, and oftentimes not quite as easy to bring ourselves back to a centred space that is open to the richness and fullness of every aspect of what is moving for us. Living this life from Truth and Love requires some level of practise and a willingness to recognise and acknowledge all of who we are being. In my present circumstances I have been persecutor and persecuted; judge and judged; self-righteous in my suffering and the cause of suffering for another; open and closed; angry and at peace; lost and purposeful; empty and whole. I could keep going on, but what I am trying to express is the idea that I have been all these things on all sides of the spectrum and everything in between. I have stepped fully into the illusory experience and in this, I realise the opportunity for expansion, the opportunity to truly see how we are all things and no-thing and to continuously meet the still space within myself.
To live a conscious life requires awareness and observation of the self in all aspects with consistent practise, we must be willing to witness ourselves through the eyes of others and know that we too are that, no matter what that is, yet we must also have the ability to recognise that we are far greater than this life and all that it entails so as not to collapse into the illusion and become stifled by limiting beliefs that essentially withhold Love from ourselves and for others. In some ways it is learning to balance ourselves on the tightrope of experience and knowing that if we fall into either polarity at any time, we must simply return to centre, we must simply return to Love.
Love holds within it the ultimate truth of who we are, every single one of us, regardless of who we have or are being in this life, beneath every suffering Human lies a Soul that is pure and held in the graciousness of Love. When we know this beyond our need for the mind to understand, we step easily into forgiveness, for ourselves and for others, as we recognise that Life is simply there for us to experience and express the ultimate truth of ourselves and to perhaps discover the innate Divinity that lies at the centre of our Being.
Love and Blessings